


Our Poetry

by NinetyFiveFathoms



Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Kelsox, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nobody is Straight AU, aka basically canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 01:03:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11429931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinetyFiveFathoms/pseuds/NinetyFiveFathoms
Summary: As Kelso prepares to leave Sacred Heart, he and Perry separately reflect on the feelings they have for each other and try to decide if they should speak up before it’s too late.  Takes place during My Finale, Part 1.





	1. Closure

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve always thought it was a little sad that Perry and Kelso got so close in season eight and we never got to see them say goodbye in the finale, so I decided to write something filling that gap. Originally it was going to be 100% canon-faithful, but then I figured, go Gay or go home. It also includes established J.D./Turk, Carla/Jordan, and Elliot/Molly.

“So, what the hell did you think leaving this place was gonna be like?” Bob Kelso asked, grinning sympathetically.  His question was directed at J.D., but internally he was asking himself the same question as he felt the irrational disappointment that his imminent departure felt anticlimactic.

“I don’t know,” J.D. considered. “I—I guess I thought there’d be a lot of heartfelt goodbyes, and when I was _finally_ ready to leave, it would be like one of those great old sitcom finales.”

As J.D. tilted his head and got that trademark far-off look in his eyes, Kelso sighed.

 _This goofy kid and his daydreams_ , he thought, frowning as he realized that this was the last time he would witness this phenomenon.  It was sad, even if that was far from what he’d miss most about Sacred Heart.

He glanced yet again at the building that had been essentially his entire life for decades now.  This had been even truer in recent months, as he didn’t even have anything to which to come home; Enid had left him, though he knew that was for the best.  He’d never been there for her, never treated her right; he hadn’t loved her enough.  In fact, given recent feelings, he was beginning to question if what he had felt for Enid was love at all.

Kelso sighed again.  For a long time now, he hadn’t quite known what to make of Perry.  The two of them had been colleagues—on the road to being friends, even—decades prior, before Kelso had become the chief of medicine.  It had made things so much worse when he took the helm, made Perry seem all the more betrayed by the actions Kelso took to keep the hospital afloat.  And Kelso quickly found that it was easier to go all in, to pretend that he really _was_ the evil bastard that Perry eventually came to see him as.  Kelso had hated him in return, resented his aggression and his insults and his fighting back on decisions that had been so hard for him to make already, but…some part of him had always respected him for it, too.  He had seen so many doctors become jaded and stop caring, but Perry cared just as ardently even after decades of a medical career.  He’d cared so much that he’d managed to inspire somebody else along the same path.  He could see so much of Perry in the young doctor in front of him…

J.D. started suddenly, his daydream apparently complete, and Kelso snapped out of his train of thought to address him again.

“Well,” Kelso began with a kind smile, “I’m afraid all I can offer you is a handshake.”

“I’ll take it, sir,” J.D. responded, grasping his outstretched hand.

“Have a great life, Dorian.”  His words made this end of an era too real all of a sudden, and he had to fight to keep his eyes from watering.

_Dammit, Bob, keep it together!_

“Thank you,” J.D. said, and Kelso quickly turned away, still struck by the emotion of the circumstances.

_Quick, say something else!  Lighten the mood!_

“Get as much tail as you can,” he said over his shoulder, climbing into the silver convertible that he’d stuffed with his table from Coffee Bucks.

“I always do, sir,” J.D. came back.

Turk, who had rejoined their small gathering, chimed in at this point.  “I already threw him morning sex today.”

“Thatta boy.” Kelso was grateful for the humorous distraction from this too-real event.  He wanted to stop what he was doing, to change his path and stay, but he controlled himself and turned his body around to face the steering wheel.

 _You can do this, Bob,_ he reassured himself _.  You_ have _to do this._

Leaving Sacred Heart was the last thing he wanted, truly; there was a reason he’d hung around Coffee Bucks for so long after his retirement.  Sure, he enjoyed most everyone’s company…but primarily, he wanted to stay around Perry.

He had quickly realized that he wanted more than friendship with Perry, that he felt more for him than he’d ever felt for anyone before, that he _loved_ that frustrating, sarcastic, obstinate man.  (Not that his attraction to men was anything new—Johnny had been _far_ more than a buddy in the Navy, and he couldn’t believe that _any_ one seemed to buy that lie.)  With him no longer in the chief of medicine position and the obstacles between them now gone, he'd worked to rebuild his relationship with Perry.

And he had made progress, surprisingly; the two of them had become good friends.  But Perry still kept a distance, still pushed Kelso away.  Of course, that was the Perry Cox way, and Kelso knew that better than anybody, but this was different; no matter how many hints Kelso dropped, Perry expressed no awareness, and even when he tried to back off and establish it as “brotherhood” because he thought his hints might be making Perry uncomfortable, he reacted the same way.  Perry tried to hide their friendship and diminish it, he didn’t sabotage it or run away like he did when he was afraid of taking a positive step or when he was unsure if he was ready to make the leap.  Kelso was sure that Perry would never shake that image of him as the devil incarnate, even if he _did_ realize the burden Kelso had faced as chief of medicine.

 _So what in the hell is the point of staying here?_ he reasoned with himself.   _You can sit here downing muffins until the cows come home, but you should be_ do _ing something with your life.  If Perry’s just going to be keeping you at arm’s length, then—_

“Sir?” J.D. asked, jostling Kelso out of his reflections.  “Is everything all right?”

“What?” Kelso responded, disoriented. “Oh, sure!  Right as rain.”  He put on his best cheery smile and hoped it was convincing.  From the response he got, he guessed that it was not.

“Did you get to say goodbye to everyone?” Turk asked.  “I didn’t see Dr. Cox come out here.”

The blood drained from his face.  He’d made his peace with things, but the physical action of leaving would be much harder if Perry were there when he did it.

“Uh, n-no,” he stuttered, rushing his words out before he could form them properly but attempting to maintain his gregarious farce. “He has a lot to do, and I want to be sure that I get on the road while it’s light.”

“Oh, come on,” J.D. insisted.  “You guys are ‘ _like brothers_ ,’ right?  We can let him know you’re leaving.”  Kelso picked up on the slight resentment in his quoting of the phrase Kelso had used to describe his relationship with Perry.  Clearly, J.D. was still having his own difficulties with Perry’s emotional distance.  Poor guy.

Kelso turned to object, but the couple was headed into the hospital before he could get the words out.

_Crap.  I’d better just leave while I still can._

He turned the key in the ignition, shifted the car out of park, and began easing his foot off the brake, then paused.

_No, if Perry comes down to see me and I’m already gone…I can’t leave him hanging like that._

Slamming the gear shift back toward the P, Kelso slumped in his seat and pulled his keys out of the ignition.  Now he was lying to himself on top of everything; of course he _didn’t_ really want to just leave Perry like that, but he knew he would’ve stuck around regardless just to have the chance to see him one last time, to see him _knowing_ that was it, to get some sense of closure.

Then again, if his 66 years of living had taught him anything, it was that closure was pretty much just a load of horseshit that humans fed themselves to feel better, and with Perry, this trend was certainly guaranteed to persist, because some things would have to be left unsaid.  There would be no poetry to this ending.

He’d reasoned with himself that he should leave without saying goodbye to Perry for the sake of a “clean break,” but mostly he had been intending to bail on the goodbye because he didn’t know how to handle it.  How could you say goodbye to somebody that you love without telling them that?  And he _could_ tell Perry, but…long-distance or not, he wanted them to remain friends, wanted to continue to be a part of his life, and it didn’t quite seem worth it to torch all of that for the sake of getting rejected.

All Kelso could really do was express to Perry—though maybe not explicitly—how much he had valued their time together and that he wished him all the best going forward.

“I just hope it’s enough,” Kelso murmured to himself.


	2. Change Begets Change

Perry Cox wasn’t used to this.

His whole life, he’d built up a tough exterior, shutting people out and driving away almost everybody save the few with the endurance to see through the façade.  Everyone was used to his public persona, plus it was a given that people were going to stick around Sacred Heart (and therefore in his life) without any action on his part; it had been a long time since he’d had any reason to consider the vulnerable side of himself again.

So he had no idea what to do when people began leaving.

What was it the Janitor had kept repeating over the past week?  “Change begets change begets change”?

 _He may be crazy, but he’s right about that_ , Perry reflected as he continued trying to sift through the stack of paperwork on his desk.  Ever since J.D. had announced that he was leaving, the once-stable atmosphere at Sacred Heart had been completely disrupted, and it seemed like everything was changing all at once.

He might’ve been more upset at the loss of his protégé if it would be the last they’d be seeing of each other, which was certainly not the case now that J.D. was engaged to his intolerable chief of surgery.  And heck, even if he would still miss him, he was proud of the kid for doing what he needed to do to be a father, though he’d be damned if he could ever be compelled to _tell_ him that.

But there was still one looming departure that left him completely torn about what to do and wishing that he were one of those people who verbalized every thought and feeling, and that was the departure of Bob Kelso.

A decade ago, he would’ve thrown a party just because Kelso was on _vacation_ for a week.  But a lot had changed in the past couple years; ever since he and Jordan had split up, he’d spent more and more time with Kelso, and after Kelso had resigned from the hospital entirely, they’d become outright friends.

He had felt strange and uncomfortable about their friendship at first and worked to hide the fact that he could feel them getting closer.  He’d bought the beer in exchange for Kelso’s silence about them getting drinks together, they’d secretly met in his office, and their discussions in the cafeteria were held subtly until Carla had called them on it.  When Kelso told everyone that they’d seen a movie together, Perry had written his discomfort off as fear of hurting J.D.’s feelings.

It wasn’t until he reflected further on what Kelso had said about their unexpected friendship that Perry had been able to pinpoint it.  “We’re like brothers,” Kelso had said.

 _Brothers_ , Perry thought again, flinching away from the word.  It was that word that had brought him to the stinging realization that, up until that point, he’d hoped their relationship was heading somewhere else.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid_ , he berated himself.  _Just because everyone else found a “happily ever after,” you assumed you were going to be lucky enough to do it too, you idiot?_

Some part of Perry had known for a long time that he was bisexual, though he’d refused to confront it.  But when Jordan had realized that she was a lesbian and began dating Carla, it had brought those questions up to the surface again, and when Kelso said they were like brothers, well…the sinking feeling in his stomach told him everything he needed to know.  Suddenly, his years of overt loathing had made sense; he’d been trying to convince himself—and the people around him—that he couldn’t _pos_ sibly be attracted to  _Kelso_ , even though he certainly was.  That isn’t to say that he wasn’t genuinely pushing Kelso to do the right thing and trying to speak up for the patients, but he’d always laid it on a bit thick, especially with the plethora of nicknames he coined for the old bastard.

Still, Perry would never have fooled himself into thinking that something could happen between them if so much of Kelso’s time at the hospital hadn’t involved Perry. That hope had made it all the worse that his feelings had finally come crashing down on him just as Kelso was leaving to work locum tenens; it all felt like a cruel joke.

 _Idiot_ , Perry repeated, sighing as his face slumped into his hands.  _If he had even the_ slight _est interest in you, Bobbo wouldn’t have chosen to travel away from you, all on his own._

Sure, he knew that it would be great to travel, but if Kelso had been looking to be a doctor again, why didn’t he think to ask Perry?  Outside of everything else, Perry knew that Kelso was a great doctor, a _ded_ icated one, and one who would invest plenty of time and care into his patients if he weren’t buried in paperwork and balancing hospital expenses.  He could work part time, full time, pretty much anything he wanted and Perry would accommodate his needs.  Anything to keep him at Sacred Heart.  _Any_ thing.

 _Well, if you would just_ tell _him that, you pansy_ , Perry sneered at himself, but therein lay the problem: He couldn’t tell him.  He’d opened up to Kelso more than with anyone else—even Jordan—for so long now, but he couldn’t even con _cep_ tualize being  _that_ open.

 _What are you gonna say?_ , he antagonized himself. _“I love you, you old, wrinkly jackass, please don’t go”?  Suuure, because the Perry Cox style of affection has kept so-_ hooo _many people close to you._

Perry let his head drop through his hands and slump against the thick pile of paperwork on his desk, letting out a deep, extended groan as he did.  He had so much work to get done, and he’d made no progress in a half an hour now because he was too busy stressing over the departures that J.D. had seemingly catalyzed.

“Damn you, Newbie,” he grumbled.

“What’d I do?” a surprised voice responded, causing Perry to suddenly jerk his head up to confront his unexpected visitors.

He quickly recovered from the surprise, his face contorting in frustration.  “Oh, great.  Puh- _lease_ tell me you aren’t here to ask yet a _gain_ for a hug, Newbie.  It is _nawt_ going to happen, and besides, don’t you get enough of those from your balder half?” he grumbled, nodding toward Turk.

“First of all, you can _ne_ ver have enough hugs, right, Brown Bear?” J.D. retorted, grinning.

“Damn straight, Vanilla Bear.”

“Second of all, we _ac_ tually came up here to tell you that Dr. Kelso is all packed in his car and ready to head out, and we thought you might want to say goodbye.”

 _Shit_.

Perry was caught too off-guard to keep the horror from reaching his face.  He’d been counting on having a full day to brace himself and figure out a workaround, but it was only midday and his time was up; a quick glance at the clock told him that it was 1:17.

“ _Right now_?” he questioned, feeling weak.

Turk responded hesitantly, unable to match Perry’s reaction up with an explanation.  “Yeah…he said he wanted to get on the road while it’s still light.”

Perry slammed his hands down onto his desk and pushed himself upward, brushing the neat pile of paperwork in the process, scattering it around the desk and onto the floor.  But he couldn’t care about that right now.

“He’s out by the main entrance?” Perry questioned, breathless, already at the doorway of his office.

J.D. and Turk nodded with bewilderment; Perry sped out of the doorway as soon as he got his confirmation.

 _What in the hell am I going to say to him?_ , he wondered, defeat filling his mind.


	3. Distance

Panting, Perry abruptly ceased his movement and paused in the lobby.  He’d all-but run from his office, knocking over a few staff members who made the mistake of trying to talk to him on the way down.  Perry hadn’t even waited for the elevator, and had nearly slipped three times on his way down the stairs, all because he didn’t want Kelso to leave before he got to say something.

Unfortunately, he still had no idea what that “something” was.

He worked to calm himself, hoping to think over what in the hell he was going to say to Kelso quickly.  Much to his chagrin, however, he had no sooner settled in to catch his breath than he noticed a pair of blonde women.

 _Great, just what I need_.   _Barbie and her psychiatrist girlfriend._

He gathered his energy and dashed back into the hallway to avoid having to deal with them, but heard the telltale shriek informing him that he was too late to avoid notice.

“Dr. Cox!”

Perry sighed, slowly turning around wearing his best death glare.

“Oh, come on, you can’t scare me off with that,” Elliot responded, continuing to approach with Molly at her side.

“What’s the hurry?” Molly inquired.

“‘Dr.’ Clock,” he grumbled with heavily implied air quotes as he tried to slow his panting, “I don’t _ac_ tually have _time_ for you or your neurotic girlfriend right now.  So if you could stay out of my business for, well, _ever_ , then that would be just _ducky_.”

“Perry,” Molly smiled, immune to his hostility, “did you know Dr. Kelso is about to leave?  We just got done saying our goodbyes to him.”

It took every inch of Perry’s energy for him to refrain from screaming.

“Yes, I am a _ware_ ,” Perry muttered through clenched teeth, eyes shut hard as he tried to keep himself together.

“What’s up _your_ caboodle?” Elliot replied.

Growling, Perry prepared to lay into her with a rant when he was interrupted.

“Hey, Stick,” Jordan called out, “You _might_ want to beat it, unless you’d like to experience firsthand what it’s like to be on the losing end of a bear attack.”

Acknowledging Jordan with a glance, Elliot blew her bangs out of her face and narrowed her eyes before turning to Molly.  “Come on, let’s just go get our lunch.”

“Bye, Perry!” Molly exclaimed with trademark cheeriness, grating on his nerves one last time before the two exited the building.

Perry sighed in relief.  “Thanks, Jordan.”

“Don’t thank me, Perry, I did it for _her_ sake.  Is there a _reason_ you’re still tormenting that girl?”

“Oh, good,” Perry groaned, “this day just keeps getting better.”

“What’s wrong?” Jordan asked, examining Perry’s face as he felt his spiteful grimace transform into a look of frustrated defeat.  Still, Perry wasn’t about to admit to anything, and he tried to backpedal.

“Well, you know how this damn hospital is, certainly for the chief of medicine.  Never a restful moment,” he said, closing it with his best attempt at a bitter grin.

“Don’t bullshit me, Perry.  Even Stick and her girlfriend could tell something was up, and I know you a hell of a lot better than them.  Is this about D.J.?”

“Jordan,” he began, “of _all_ the things that you suspect could be bothering me, your first thought is the ‘departure’ of the person I won’t even have a chance to miss?”

The look on Jordan’s face made him realize the mistake in his phrasing.

“But there is _some_ one,” she answered, and Perry looked down, unsure how to respond.  “Is it Bob?  I knew you guys had become beer buddies, but I didn’t think—”

Perry’s head shot up, knowing he didn’t have the time to dodge around Jordan’s questions forever, and not wanting to directly answer the question she’d proposed.  He began to brush it off, but the look in his eyes told Jordan everything.

“Look, it doesn’t really _mat_ ter, just—”

“Oh,” Jordan said, not judgmental or derisive, but with casual realization.  “Perry, why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”

Perry debated resorting to denial, but Jordan was seeing through all of his lies today, so he merely narrowed his eyes and said, “Jordan, I thought you knew me _well_.”

“Are you _seriously_ telling me that you’re going to let him drive off to who-knows-where without even _asking_ him to stay because of your silly ‘emotionally unhealthy’ bit?   _Honestly_ , Perry, it might’ve been cute when you were 30, but this is just _pathetic_.”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” he bristled, a perplexed look on his face.  “That was…es _sen_ tially the basis of our entire ex-marriage.”

“Yeah, and it worked for _us_ , but that’s not at all true for everybody,” Jordan replied.  “Carla and I were on bad terms for _years_ before we started dating, and it was me offering support to her during her postpartum depression that finally shifted things the other way.  My relationship with her is _different_ than ours was, and I sometimes have to compromise and say—” she cringed and rolled her eyes “— _nice things_ , and I vent my hatred elsewhere, instead.”

“Okay, fair enough—”

“Well, and sometimes we just combine our forces for some quality slag-smacking,” she grinned.  “The sex afterward is always really—”

Perry whistled loudly.  “Jordan,” he grumbled, “much as I’d _love_ to hear all the details of your sex life, there is a man outside that I should be talking to as per _your_ advice who, for all I know at this point, has already left or _pos_ sibly just died altogether in the roughly two centuries that I’ve been standing here.”

“Sorry,” she apologized.

Perry paused before he addressed her again.  “You do have a _point_ here, Jordan, but Bob and I have _al_ ways argued and hated each other.  That’s our thing.”

“You’ve always belittled your protégé too, but you have in your possession a book that proves exactly how much fun that’s been for _him_.”

“Okay, but Bob… _knows_ that I don’t really hate him, just as Newbie understands that I _do_ care about him, in _spite_ of what I say.”

“Uh, Perry—” Jordan began, before being interrupted by an ecstatic squeal coming from behind Perry.

“Did you say you— _care about me_?!”

“Oh, _mother_ —”

“Just _go_ , Perry,” Jordan sighed in a hushed tone as she rolled her eyes, moving around Perry to block off the hallway, “I’ll hold him and his fiancé off.  But I think my point is proven; if D.J. didn’t ‘know’ how you feel, I’d sure as hell be willing to bet that Bob doesn’t either.”

“All right,” he acknowledged, heading toward the exit at a brisk pace as he heard Jordan pull out her cell phone behind him.

“Carla, I’m going to need your help down by the lobby.  Thanks, babe,” she said, snapping her flip phone shut and directing her attention to the couple in front of her.  “Either of you tries to get past me and I’ll break your arms.”

Perry chuckled bitterly, silently thanking his ex-ex-wife as the automatic doors closed behind him.


	4. What's Important

Perry pushed past the cloth sign bidding J.D. farewell and stepped out into the afternoon sun anxiously, but with determination; there was no turning back now.  He still wasn’t sure what to say, if he could even find it in himself to honestly tell Kelso how he felt, or how he should brace himself for the rejection in the case that he did, but at this point, winging it was probably his best bet.

As Perry approached the man for whom he was struggling to assemble a confession, Kelso twisted his head to look at the entrance and noticed him, a smile spreading across his face as he did.

An answering smile instantly filled Perry’s face involuntarily.  Internally cursing his blatant weakness, he picked up the pace and arrived at the driver’s side of the shiny convertible, his brain finally registering the large accessory taking up the backseat.

“Whaaaat’s with the table there, Bobbo?”

“Oh, you know,” he responded casually, “just taking my favorite table from Coffee Bucks.”

Perry raised an eyebrow, but shrugged internally and proceeded with the subject at hand.

“So,” he breathed, “I understand that you’re heading out.”

“Yeah,” Kelso said.  “Time for me to move on.”

The words hit Perry hard, and he was suddenly unsure if he was making the right choice.  If Kelso wanted to be here, wouldn’t he have just stayed?  Wouldn’t he have gone to Perry after all of their time spent together, after being responsible for the promotion to Perry’s current position?  He’d spent enough time slumming around Coffee Bucks, and Perry had no right to ask him to stick around.

“Sure, sure,” he uttered.  They sat in silence for a moment, Perry losing the drive to try to convince the man he loved to stay.   His words all failed him, and he felt his chance slipping away when Kelso suddenly spoke again.

“Listen, Perry,” he said slowly, looking down at his lap.  “I know we’ve always been a pain in each other’s asses, but I’m glad you were there for the last two decades to push me to do the right thing.”

Kelso lifted his gaze to meet Perry’s eyes; Perry swallowed, unsure what to say.

“Not that I imagine you won’t, since you’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever known,” Kelso chuckled, a torn smile on his face, “but make sure you hold onto what’s important.”

“I—I will, Bob,” Perry replied, breathless.  He knew Kelso was speaking about the chief of medicine position, about being a doctor, but the words pierced him as he read them in a larger context.

“Take care of yourself, Perry,” Kelso spoke, his face vulnerable.  “You’re a good man, and I know Sacred Heart is in good hands with you.”

Kelso kept his eyes on Perry’s for a moment in a soft, unreadable gaze.  Perry looked back in disbelief, trying to wrap his head around the unexpected intensity and affection present in the strange goodbye; the resignation that had begun to fill his system faltered.

Then, too quickly, the soft blue eyes turned away from him, a glint in them that Perry could’ve sworn was a tear if it didn’t seem so implausible, and he heard a click as Kelso inserted the key into the ignition.  Panic filled Perry, and before he could think, he placed his hand on the arm that Kelso was resting on the car door.

“Wait,” Perry said, his pleading eyes fixed on Kelso’s as he turned to face him again.  Perry’s voice stumbled to find the words for which he was looking.  “Look, I—it’s—oh, hell, I _love_ you, you old, wrinkly jackass,” they finally came, an edge of intensity to his tone despite the blunt nature of the words.

 _Stellar, Perry_ , he cringed internally.

“You’re—what?” a wide-eyed Kelso sputtered back.

“Please don’t make me say it again, Bob,” Perry implored the astonished man, whose mouth was still hanging open.  “Just…stay,” Perry continued, softness seeping through his tone.  “You’re a great doctor and you can have any job here at Sacred Heart, with as many or as few hours as you want, including as much time off as you need to travel to your heart’s content.  I know it’s not glorious, and I’m not asking you for anything more than that, but I don’t…”  He trailed off, suddenly feeling ill at the mere _thought_ of admitting that he didn’t want to lose Kelso regardless of if Kelso would never feel the same way about him.

He buried his head in his hands, frustrated with himself; the vulnerability that his panic had brought on had run dry, as had all the words he’d formed in his head.

A moment later, he heard a click and instinctively backed up as a solid object pushed against him.  Pulling his hands away from his face to brace himself, he watched in bewilderment as Kelso climbed out of the vehicle, past the car door that had pushed Perry out of the way, and stepped toward him.

Kelso reached his hands toward Perry; he flinched, but the wrinkled hands carefully rested on each side of his face.  With a soft smile, Kelso leaned up, pressing his lips to Perry’s. Perry underwent a whirlwind of emotions—shock, amazement, awe—but elation won over the rest; he leaned forward, embracing Kelso and gently pulling his warm body to press against Perry’s chest as he kissed him back passionately, inhaling his woodsy scent and tasting the traces of blueberry in his sweet breath as the world around them fell away.

A few moments later, their lips separated, and their eyes opened; Kelso maintained a calm smile, his hands continuing to rest upon Perry’s face while Perry held him in an embrace and looked back at him breathlessly; the glint he’d previously noticed had fully formed into a tear in Kelso’s eye.

“I love you, too,” Kelso finally responded, the tear sliding down his face as he added with a grin, “you angry, muscled bastard.”

Perry chuckled back at Kelso, relieved; gently, he lifted a hand up to brush the tear off of Kelso’s cheek.

“But I—I don’t understand, you—I thought you said we were like brothers?”

“I also offered to show you my _butt_ , Perry,” Kelso laughed.  “I only _said_ that because you didn’t seem to be having any of it, and I thought I should back off.”

Perry flushed, reflecting on the mess of miscommunication and his—as Jordan had said—“emotionally unhealthy bit” that had nearly resulted in complete disaster for the both of them.

“Does this…” Perry paused to swallow and breathe deeply, bracing himself for more vulnerability, but Kelso cut him off.

“Yes,” Kelso smiled, “of _course_ I’m staying.  How could I _not_ after an offer like that?  After a _kiss_ like that?”

Perry felt a surge of relief.  “It… _was_ a pretty amazing kiss,” he agreed.  He continued, however, still plagued by doubt.  “But—just like that?  What about working locum tenens and—”

“I don’t _care_ about that,” Kelso shook his head.  “I want to be _here_.”

“You know the job offer isn’t conditional, right?” Perry continued to question.  “It’s there whether or not you feel the—”

Kelso rolled his eyes and leaned up again to kiss Perry, cutting him off.

“Perry,” he sighed as he broke away, looking deeply into Perry’s eyes, “ _I love you_.  I want to work as a doctor again, but I’d find a way to do that around here no matter what because I want to be with _you_.  I was only leaving in the first place because I…because I didn’t think there was a reason to stay,” he admitted.

“Well jeez, Bobbo,” Perry responded, using derision to mask his combined fear at realizing how close he had come to losing Kelso and elation that he had not, “that was a pretty damn stupid thing to do, wasn’t it?”

Kelso lowered his head in a chuckle, moving his hands from Perry’s face to wrap his arms around his torso instead.  “I won’t disagree with you there.”

Perry realized that it was really over, that Kelso was going to stay, and his qualms about vulnerability seemed to crumble, even though he was sure that wouldn’t last long.  Still, he took advantage of it as he spoke again.

“And—listen,” Perry said, his voice suddenly soft, “if you want to take some time before you start working again to do some traveling, then that’s fine with me.  Whatever will make you happy.”

“Traveling around the country _does_ sound pretty nice,” Kelso paused, lifting his head to smile at Perry yet again, “but I think that, all things considered, I’d rather be with you.”

At a loss for further words, Perry pulled the shorter man into his chest.


	5. And Here We Are in Heaven

The two remained in a silent embrace for what felt like hours, though no more than a couple of minutes could have passed.  Kelso felt Perry’s chin on his head, the rapid thrum of Perry’s heartbeat against his ear, and their chests expanding and contracting against each other in errant sighs.  He kept having to remind himself that this was _real_ , that he didn’t have to leave anymore, and exhaled in disbelieving contentment every time he did; from Perry’s earlier visible panic and fear (particularly given how rare it was to see such vulnerability from him), he guessed that he was undergoing a similar process.

Suddenly, the two heard a clamor from the hospital entrance and ended their embrace to examine the source, though Kelso knotted his fingers through Perry’s and firmly grabbed his hand, not ready to relinquish the intimacy entirely; Perry squeezed his hand in acknowledgment.

From behind the cloth “GOODBYE J.D.” sign came J.D. himself, trailed by Turk, Carla, and Jordan, all four of whom rapidly approached the couple, continuing the argument that had apparently been taking place as they exited the hospital.

“Excuse me, Jordan,” J.D. insisted, “I think I have a right to demand some answers from the man I have dedicated _eight years_ of unconditional love and support to!”

“Uh, _dude_?” Turk inquired, gesturing to himself.

“Oh Turk, you know I love you more,” J.D. half-apologized.  “You’re my BFL.”

“Huh?” Carla inquired.

“Bear For Life,” J.D. explained casually.

Kelso turned to Perry with an eyebrow raised just as Perry did the same, a wordless complaint of the disturbance that had interrupted their romantic moment.

“I’m sorry, Perry, we had the hallway totally blocked off, but he—” Jordan stopped short as she and the other three finally took actual notice of the couple, her eyes darting first to their synchronized faces and then their hands, thoroughly entwined together.  A small smile appeared on her face, to Kelso’s confusion; the others’ eyebrows knotted as their jaws fell.

Carla was the first to speak, her tone matching her shocked expression; “Whoa, whoa, when the hell did _this_ happen?”

“ _Juuuust_ about five minutes before all of you _lovely_ people arrived here,” Perry bristled, his eyes narrowing.

“Wait a minute…” Turk began, something appearing to click in his head.  “Is that why you almost ran me and J.D. over to say goodbye to Kelso?”

“You ran people over to see me?” Kelso smirked as he looked up at Perry.

“Exaggeration,” Perry grumbled, then appeared to rethink his answer.  “I… _may_ have knocked over The Todd.  And Mickhead.  And Zeltzer.”

“That would explain why Dr. Kelso looked like he was about to cry when he was ready to drive off…” J.D. thought aloud.

Now it was Perry’s turn to grin smugly.  “Crying over me, huh Bob?”

“ _About_ to, Perry,” he retorted, and considered pointing out that Perry had brushed a tear off of his face himself only minutes ago, but opted to avoid sharing that intimacy with their audience.

“But wait, Dr. Kelso, aren’t you leaving?” Turk inquired.

He flushed, realizing that this was going to be awkward to explain to everybody.  “Er, no, I’m…actually going to come back to work at Sacred Heart.”

“Damn, you guys must be pretty serious about each other,” Turk said, taken aback.  “How did we not see this coming?”

Kelso nearly corrected Turk, pointing out that he was staying for lack of a reason to leave, not just to be with Perry, but decided he didn’t care enough to give anyone else the details.

“For the record, _I_ said _years_ ago that those two were a lot like an old married couple,” J.D. proudly asserted.

“Dude, don’t act like you’re any less shocked by this than the rest of us,” Turk eyed him suspiciously.  “I love you, V-Bear, but if everything you thought was a premonition, I’d be talking to a floating head right now.”

“Hey, Floating Head Doctor will be _real_ one day!” J.D. responded indignantly.  “Not to mention that I _also_ called the two of _us_ getting together.”

“Who didn’t?” Carla muttered under her breath.

The others continued discussing their surprise or lack thereof, but their chatter turned to a low buzz as Kelso met Perry’s gaze again, their argumentative and amused looks softening into loving ones.  He flashed back to the moments before Perry’s confession; how it had felt like his heart was being torn into pieces as he thought he was saying goodbye to the man he loved forever, and he’d had to fight with all of his strength to keep tears from escaping; how his heart had leapt at Perry’s rough but gentle touch on his arm; how he hadn’t been able to believe it when he told Kelso that he loved him, transforming his heartbroken tears into ones of bliss; how Perry’s face felt cradled in his hands; and the explosion of passion inside of him as Perry’s lips had moved against his in their first kiss, Perry’s hands pulling him in as if he couldn’t get close enough, his muscular chest pressed firmly against Kelso as he drank in Perry’s earthy scent.

Looking into Perry’s eyes, he thought about all of the lost time they had to make up for, and he made a decision.

“Let’s get out of here for a little while,” he said to Perry in a hushed tone.

Perry nodded slightly, and Kelso climbed into the driver’s seat of his car while Perry circled around to the passenger side, the intruding group too engaged in discussion to notice until the engine roared to life.

“Wait, Dr. Cox—!” J.D. exclaimed, right before Kelso’s right foot came down on the gas pedal and they began to roll forward, wind in their hair as the world flew past them.

Perry gently placed his left hand onto Kelso’s right hand, which was gripped around the gearshift; Kelso lifted his hand and gripped Perry’s, the two exchanging a smile as they turned onto a side road and the car slowed to a relaxed speed.

“So,” Kelso began, “what was that all about, anyway?”

“What, the serious intrusion on our personal lives?” Perry responded.  “You mean, besides the fact that that damn hospital is full of nosy people?”

“No, I mean, what was Dorian on about?”

“I…may have made the mistake of acknowledging that I care about him within his earshot,” Perry admitted bitterly.

Kelso merely glanced at Perry with a knowing grin.

“What?” Perry asked.

“Oh, nothing,” Kelso chuckled.  “Just that you’re a big old softie.”

“Am not!” he bristled.

“That argument was a lot easier for you to make before you told me that you love me,” Kelso teased.  “And by the way, give the guy a break.  You _know_ he hangs on your every word, and he deserves to hear how you really feel about him before he leaves.”

“Whoever said I wasn’t going to tell him?”

Kelso looked at him skeptically.

“Listen, you know how Newbie works,” Perry said.  “There is _every chance_ that he has some elaborate scheme planned to ‘trick me’ into telling him.”

“That does sound like him,” Kelso conceded.

“Okay, and when he does that, I’ll just go along with it and pretend I had no idea.  He gets to hear how I feel, and I don’t have to get all…touchy-feely.  Everybody wins.”

Kelso kept his head faced forward and rolled his eyes.  “You’re ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but you love me,” Perry grinned.

“I really do,” Kelso said with feeling, warmth flooding his chest as he was reminded that he could say it now.  “Though maybe we should have considered keeping that to ourselves for a little while.  I feel like they’re going to be gossiping about us for weeks.”

“I think Jordan might help keep them in line,” Perry noted.  “I actually…talked to her about everything, right before I talked to you.  I was trying to figure out what to do, and…well, if not for her, you might be driving away right now.”

Internally, Kelso put the pieces together, Jordan’s previously inexplicable smile at the sight of them holding hands suddenly making sense.

“I always knew I liked her,” Kelso remarked.  Perry gave him a grin in acknowledgment.

“By the way, this _is_ a short trip, right?” Perry asked.  “I unfortunately have a lot of unfinished work, thanks to the distraction that is you.  Also, I think you have some furniture to return,” he finished humorously, nodding toward the backseat.

“Sure,” Kelso agreed, chuckling.  “I’ll start heading back now.”

As he gently rubbed Perry’s hand with his thumb, Kelso reflected on J.D.’s concerns about his departure not being grandiose enough, and how he had agreed at the time; now, it all seemed silly.  His last-minute resolution with Perry had been almost cinematic, but it wasn’t the _how_ that had his heart soaring so much as the _what_.  When you were doing what was _right_ , what you _ought_ to be doing…it seemed to have all the requisite poetry.

“Perry,” Kelso spoke again as Sacred Heart came into view, “how about I hang around the hospital until you get off of work, and then we can go over to your place and I’ll make you dinner?”

“You sure, Bob?  You really don’t need to go through that kinda trouble.  Plus, I may have to stay a little late to get in my farewell to Newbie.”

“I don’t mind,” he affirmed.  “If there’s one thing I’m sure of…it’s that you’re worth it.”

He felt Perry squeeze his hand tightly; as he looked over at Perry, he noticed him swallowing hard, and realized his hand was expressing words he was too emotional to verbalize.  He tightened his hold on Perry’s hand in response, and smiled calmly as they pulled into Sacred Heart’s parking lot, his smile not faltering even as he noticed that their audience had expanded to include Doctors Reid and Clock.

Whatever the future held, Kelso was sure that he and Perry would weather it.

Together.


End file.
